Grammar is not a dirty word, is it?

Original author unknown. Will acknowledge when author is tracked down.

Column 8, Strike 3?

From Sydney Morning Herald of 24th November 2010



From Sydney Morning Herald of 23rd October 2010




From Sydney Morning Herald of 24th August 2010


That's three times in four months (twice as the lead); is this a record? Will they offer me my own regular column? The great Erma Bombeck started with the obits ...
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Smellchuck corrections?

Haven't stopped smiling since seeing the student essay on the political influence of "socialites like Karl Marx" and the revolutionary changes in Russia. I now have an unshakable mental picture of ladies Of A Certain Age swanning around in evening gowns and diamonds, being photographed at posh soirees and complaining about the food and the service ... and having chefs and sommeliers sent to Siberia ... with maitre d's being downgraded to maitre E's or F's.

Seems like the upcoming vacation break could be just in time?

The Return of the Three-Letter-Acronym

My little "reward" for having stopped smoking (cigarettes that is - the steam still comes out of my ears at times of high stress) was a nice flat-panel LCD (Liquid Crystal Display) TV ... at six times the size of the last computer monitor I bought, and maybe even more significantly half the price of the monitor. No wonder our GDP (Gross Domestic Product) is in such a state.

Anyway, now I have access to an EPG! Golly gee whiz! I even looked it up, and found that this was an electronic program guide - which we already had through our cable TV connection (CTV). Pffft, thought I (onomatopoeic, not an acronym), we've had that facility in libraries for decades with our OPACs (which is four letters, and therefore obviously a much higher class of acronym - although not quite as trendy).

I can't see much use for the PLS (Parental Lock System), given that our at-home children are far more technologically advanced than we are - and to attempt to engage the PLS can only provoke acts of retaliation which would ultimately render us not only humiliated, but locked out of viewing anything at all.

I'm still pondering the relative merits - or indeed the existence of any difference between - a PVR (Personal Video Recorder) in comparison to a DVR (Digital Video Recorder), but I guess as the glossary lists both without any See Also reference, there has to be at least a modicum of difference, regardless of how vague and tenuous.

At least now we don't need a STB (Set Top Box) given the OEA (Outrageously Expensive Aerial) we had installed. The last TLA (Three Letter Acronym) doesn't actually appear in the glossary in the current edition, but I'm going to suggest it to the manufacturers for their next revision.

Of course, this is all diversionary self-delusion (DSD) whilst still awaiting more important information (MII) on that other matter (TOM) which is hanging like the Sword of Damocles (SoD). WTF, do I hear you ask ... but no, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday (WTF) have not yet been fruitful to date. But then again, Monday is only 18 hours away.

Slithy toves in portmanteaux

Huge thanks to Business Balls for their clear and concise explanation of this particular fascinating aspect of our bizarre language!

Anyone with 5 minutes to spare, and good eyesight (or a magnifying facility in their browser) could do worse than checking this out.

Like, it's sort of related to work 'n' all, isn't it? At least, you could very likely make a good case to support your contention that you aren't really goofing off or wasting company time and resources. Good luck with that, and let me know how you get on ...

Language Abuse: A sign of the times?

News reports of the last day or two have been bemoaning falling literacy standards throughout the country. Welcome to reality, Powers-That-Be. Yeah, we know you've been denying it for decades - but you won't believe the years of academically rigorous studies showing the potential for school libraries to impact positively on educational standards.

Why? Coz it's going to cost you money. Al told you years ago that you were all very good at defining your educational benchmarks, but that you need to also set resourcing benchmarks and do A Little Something about funding them. But wait! You started national testing in 2008. Brilliant!!! But then what?

Here's something interesting ... what does the sign photographed mean? I asked 3 high school students who were waiting for the doors to open. They all said "it means if you join up [as a Museum member], you can get in free". Sadly, no. It's $75 per year.

On the other hand, the Museum staff need to take some heat on this one. Where's the comma supposed to be? And shouldn't there be - at the very least - a semicolon after the word "today"? Ah. "What's a semicolon?". Indeed.

"Clever conversations"?

Billy Joel has done some very pleasant music; "I like you just the way you are" was on the radio as I was driving home from work. Maybe because the kids weren't in the car and I could actually hear something else other than "can we ..." and "but you said", I actually got to hear the lyrics.

"I don't want clever conversation ... I just want someone that I can talk to ..."

Time to bring the lyrics up to date with something more caring and sensitive, Billy. How about something along the lines of:

“Among men and women, those in love do not always announce themselves with declarations and vows. But they are the ones who weep when you're gone. Who miss you every single night, especially when the sky is so deep and beautiful, and the ground so very cold.” [Alice Hoffman]

OK, it doesn't scan well or even rhyme. But isn't the language lovely? And the sentiment deep? It almost makes the reader want to paint red roses on black velvet, or pen poetry with a quill. In extreme cases, it might even make one feel like having a cup of coffee and an immoderate piece of medicinal chocolate ...

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What's the opposite of "l'esprit de l'escalier"?

I can never remember that phrase, "l'esprit de l'escalier"; to think of a great come-back, only at a time when it's too late to use it. Now I'm trying to find the opposite.

Is there a phase meaning to have said something really witty (or possibly something exceptionally trite or droll ), but having forgotten what it was when someone sends you a photograph of the moment? For example, like in this photo taken by one of the organisers of the Kevin Hennah Conference ...

Can anyone help with either the phrase or what I might have said?