Predictive Humor

It's almost scary! Almost seven years ago, I wrote the infamous satirical list of Thin Books for Busy Librarians - which included "Successful Introduction of Beowulf to Reluctant Readers". Sitting on the shelves of my library now are two books that are achieving just that; one a graphic novel and the other a 'picture book' version. Mind you, the reasonably recent release of the movie of the book didn't hurt, either.

Today I attended one of the most worthwhile Professional Development activities I've been to in literally decades - Kevin Hennah's Visual merchandising and space management for libraries. Not only were the ideas brilliant, but also achievable, budget wise. But the scary bit was the fact that I wrote another satirical piece ages ago (as in years, not geological epochs), on how to tart up a daggy library with sticky tape and library glue.

Fortunately, today's event wasn't a presentation about tacking up your basic bits of paper, with tragic layout, onto already cluttered walls and noticeboards. In a strange sort of a way that was a bit of a shame, really - that's one of my areas of speciality.

Words cannot describe how a very impressive change can be achieved, with the expenditure of only a few hundred dollars. Actually that's not quite true. Words could describe it ... but its been a long day, and I haven't had my afternoon Power Coma yet. [Power "naps" are for whimps.]

A New Genre? The "Ban Me" Book

It wasn't so long ago that The Sydney Morning Herald’s Top 10 (book sales) for independent bookshops lists The dangerous books for boys (HarperCollins) at No #2 for the week.

Could authors now be deliberately seeking out notioriety in order to increase revenue? Will it be long before we see other titles like maybe: Racial slurs for all public speaking engagements, S*xist remarks to make at formal dinners, or indeed Offensive behaviour for every occassion.

Maybe these books already exist; as many liberry users seem to think that liberrians keep them locked away somewhere, with all the other good stuff ….

Weeding, Culling, Stocktake and/or Inventory

Sure, you’ve got a whole document on your library’s policy for removing material from circulation, and the auditor’s are quite happy with statement’s like “damaged beyond repair” or “not borrowed for 50 years”. But let’s show some consideration for those future generations that follow in our footsteps, and may be in need of an Emergency Laugh. Why not demonstrate some creativity in our reporting?

1. Removed (with long tongs) due to malodorous fog surrounding item
2. Item contained photograph that resembled librarian’s ex-husband
3. Reading Circle members suggested that book be removed as an acceptable compromise to breaking staff’s kneecaps
4. Superceded by any of the last 20 editions of this encyclopaedia
5. Too many books on this shelf - something had to go. This was ‘it’
6. Critical accumulated mass of book lice residing in book found to exceed OSH maximum lifting recommendations
7. Font size too small; budget request for electron microscope reader refused
8. Hazardous Materials Team refused to handle item, so it could not longer be shelved

Ah well ...

Is it too late?

I read recently that the Nobel Prizes are not granted posthumously. Which is really bad, at least for me. Was actually sort of hoping that while my life to date has been nothing prizeworthy, at some distant point in the future someone might have researched into something I said or did (or maybe didn’t say or do) and found that it had Earth-shattering consequences for the future of the planet, or perhaps even beyond. (We are talking very distant future here.)

But now it looks as though I might have to actually do (or say) something significant before Passing On. So far I’ve only excelled in the Not Doing (or Not Saying) anything too startling. Mind you, given the sheer volume of what I’ve not done, that really should count towards a major award of some sort …

(Originally published in the old blog)

Somewhere to Read?

So your average punter has spent a good hour or so searching the stacks for enough brain fodder to keep them going for a week or so. Where the heck are they going to find the right ambience to do their reading. Sure, there’s always the good old bedroom, late at night - when something of the heft of a 10-foot bargepole is needed to keep the eyelids open. But where does one find such a reading aid, let alone instructions for using it?

Of course, there’s those lucky enough to use a ‘commute’ to work - ideal place to read? Not. At least the Poms have cell phone-free rail carriages - but what about the rest of the semi-civilised world? Even if the moron next to you on the train isn’t jabbering on inanely and incessantly about some great new love of his/her life, there’s the choom-choom-choom of personal (!) music systems to contend with.

Despite having so far resisted the urge to carry wire cutters or small nail scissors to further personalise a listening experience - by a little subtle snipping of earphone wires, nothing involving the actual spilling of blood, you understand - there are days when there is clearly a need for Noise Police on public transport.

Sure, there are Transit Police, largely responsible it seems for ensuring the continued existence of railway coffee shops; the ubiquitous Ticket Inspectors that protect the state’s fragile economy, adding to the billions of dollars surplus the government isn’t keen to actually part with; not to mention our fine, though stretched, ‘mainstream’ Police Service.

But who is going to conserve a potential reading environment for those library users attempting to maximise the use of their travel time? Commuting librarians with nail scissors?

Patron needs beyond the library

So your average punter has spent a good hour or so searching the stacks for enough brain fodder to keep them going for a week or so. Where the heck are they going to find the right ambience to do their reading. Sure, there’s always the good old bedroom, late at night - when something of the heft of a 10-foot bargepole is needed to keep the eyelids open. But where does one find such a reading aid, let alone instructions for using it?

Of course, there’s those lucky enough to use a ‘commute’ to work - ideal place to read? Not. At least the Poms have cell phone-free rail carriages - but what about the rest of the semi-civilised world? Even if the moron next to you on the train isn’t jabbering on inanely and incessantly about some great new love of his/her life, there’s the choom-choom-choom of personal (!) music systems to contend with.

Despite having so far resisted the urge to carry wire cutters or small nail scissors to further personalise a listening experience - by a little subtle snipping of earphone wires, nothing involving the actual spilling of blood, you understand - there are days when there is clearly a need for Noise Police on public transport.

Sure, there are Transit Police, largely responsible it seems for ensuring the continued existence of railway coffee shops; the ubiquitous Ticket Inspectors that protect the state’s fragile economy, adding to the billions of dollars surplus the government isn’t keen to actually part with; not to mention our fine, though stretched, ‘mainstream’ Police Service.

But who is going to conserve a potential reading environment for those library users attempting to maximise the use of their travel time? Commuting librarians with nail scissors?

Another New Beginning

For existing Warrior Librarian fans, Greetings once again; for casual readers and those who landed here by mistake, Welcome.

Following the spate of Hack Attacks in the old blog, and the fact that the previous hosting company wouldn't respond to any of the requests for assistance or increased security ... here we are, elsewhere in cyberspace.

And that's the really neat thing about the 'net - its everywhere without being anywhere. Pretty much like a lot of prose that passes itself off as literature. But that's just my opinion - and you're welcome to it.

Over the next few days, a lot of the existing postings will move over from the 'old' blog. Quite a few folk tried to reply to those postings, but the frailties in the 'old' system prevented them from being moderated. So stand by, whilst the training wheels are being attached ...